It’s taken me all but thirty-nine years to get here. Amid a worldwide shutdown, semi mandatory vaccines, and the collective’s emotions rolling from wave to wave, I’m ready to consciously conceive.
Consciously conceiving to me means that you are aware of your intergenerational traumas and behaviorisms. You have worked on releasing and breaking the patterns in your family’s karmic lineage. Or you are currently working on releasing and breaking the patterns because healing is not linear. You are making a conscious choice to be aware of your emotional patterns that can and will affect your child’s mental, spiritual, and emotional health. And above all else, doing something about it.
I’ve had options in my life to become a mother with ex-partners who would have been great fathers. Yet, it didn’t always feel right. Even though there was a lot of love from both sides. Last year I received two love offerings from text messages to phone calls of, ‘I am ready to be with you. I will sell my business and we will travel the world together!’ from two past boyfriends. I was grateful for such enthusiasm but then again, it didn’t feel right. I guess a worldwide panic, virus, disruption, and shut down will make you reflect on a lot of things and people, huh?
I made a conscious choice to be single during my awakening journey for the last six years or so. Being in a relationship with another person takes work. Being in a relationship with yourself takes dedication. I didn’t want any distractions while I discerned every single morsel of emotions inside of me. But 2017 happened and I allowed my heart to open up to a German fellow who I met in South America on a bus from Copacabana. Romantic, right?
It was magical. He claimed he was an electrician. One who sparked my interest because of his knowledge of certain crystals, stones, and numerology. We spent a glorious four days together in La Paz, Bolivia only to separate because our predetermined paths called. He cried at our last dinner on the third level of the cafe. The same cafe we coincidentally crossed paths the day after meeting on the bus. In a city of almost two million, he could have been sitting anywhere but there. I walked past him when he was on his phone on that third floor.
I told him I also cried in meditation earlier that Sunday afternoon at the feeling of him leaving me.
The lone candle on our table flickered and went out as he cried. There was no wind, no windows opened, only the knowledge that our time had come to an end. Did we, two people who cried for each other end it there? No, of course we didn’t.
Instead of taking the charred candle wick as a sign from the Universe, we continued on a path that would eventually break both of us.
He was ready to begin a family right away. My eyes trailed his sparkling blue eyes whenever a child was near us. I didn’t even know if I wanted the responsibility of a dog. The more we tried to make each other fit the molds we constructed inside our belief systems, the more resistance there was. Plus, the fact he was my twin flame and pain. So. Much. Pain.
I realized now that it was not divine timing for the responsibility of a baby in my twenties or even my thirties as my fortieth birthday approaches in three weeks. As the person chosen to break the chain of intergenerational trauma and behaviorisms in my family, I had to recognize, understand and break the habits conditioned in my little brain from childhood. I had to undo all the misperceptions which covered my eyes. I had to become a clean slate, a tabula rasa to fill my life up with love, joy, understanding, patience, kindness, compassion, self-understanding, self discernment, and all the self-development to teach my little one.
This was in my signed soul contract before I descended into my baby body. Into my chosen family with my chosen mother and father, who both carried within them generations of trauma.
When I met the German, I was in a space where I wouldn’t accept help from another human being, because I could do it all on my own. He came into my life to break that shell that encased all the love inside of me. I was hard-headed and resistant and boy, imagine hammering a steel wall with a flimsy ice pick.
He did it though and cracked my heart wide open. All that pain was necessary for me to be here today. In a space where I practice loving-kindness daily with my dog daughter, Aronia. A time where I am adding so much to my life because I know the depths of my love. It overflows. An open space ready to consciously conceive a child of my own.
Just as you do not need to become an absolutely clean slate to consciously conceive, you also do not need to be married or partnered up to consciously conceive.
Many women in this world are making conscious choices to conceive without a partner. We are making this choice because we know how important and vital it is to have a supportive partner in the upbringing of a mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically healthy baby. The heavy energetic weight of an unconscious partner will only drag and hold us back in the ascension of teachings of our little ones. Ever heard of deadbeat dads or moms/parents?
Unconscious and sleeping partners are dead weight holding you back from vibrating higher and living your best lives.
I am choosing to birth a new life either by being a single mother with my supportive tribe of chosen and soul family members. Or if the alignment is right, the perfect partner will show up to co-create and consciously parent with the support of each of our tribes. There is no pushing for it, only allowing. Conscious conception is a wonderful foundation to teach our children unlimited kindness, compassion, arts, languages, compassion, patience, and how to appreciate sparks of joy that come into your life every single day.
Even if conscious conception wasn’t in the original soul contract, I applaud all the parents becoming aware of their actions today and their effects on their children. It’s never too late to become the catalyst for change for your family. You can start right now by choosing to become conscious of who you are, what you do, and how you do it. As you become a conscious vessel of love, your children will sense it and respond. It will be a stark contrast from before, trust me. I’ve heard many a feedback story from my clients whose children responded to them from a space of love and hugs when they sensed their Mommy and/or Daddy was feeling better from the inside out.
I don’t blame my past or parents any longer, that part took years to understand. After all these years of looking inward and releasing what no longer served me, grew me, or made me happy, I am happy to say my parents nor family members do not trigger me anymore. This was a recent discovery. After ten years of teaching my Mom certain self-development techniques and guiding her, that no matter what, I was at peace with all of it. Same with my Dad, my brothers, my sisters, all of them.
There was no suppression, repression, or distraction of my emotions when I was with them, I was fully present and at peace. I continued to show them authentic love from my heart space.
As Mother Earth ascends higher and higher, many more people are waking up to the truth of their existence. I have stated out loud my wants and wishes in these last two months. I know and trust the Universe will align me with the person who will father my child if that was written out in my soul contract. I am blessed to have a supportive village back home in the States who are ready to assist me in every way.
It wasn’t always like this. I, too, had a hard upbringing. I too had been abused physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually. I too distracted myself with everything but my emotions. I too was an addict which is normal for empaths and intuitives. I have been where you have been and made it through, so can you.
As an almost forty-year-old single woman who has finally decided to conceive, it’s never too late to begin again. Inner peace is the new bag. Aim for it.
Carol Dao is the author of, “Holy Sage for the Soul: Spirit Releasement Stories Based on True Events.” If you’d like to download your free copy of How to Master a 5 Breath Meditation, please click this link. She is also an international healer and accepts clients on a case by case basis. As the state of flow requires her to recharge in different energy vortexes and ley lines around our world, she can only be reached by email.